dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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