Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
