She announced her abortion via fbk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
