You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
