Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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