why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
