id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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