Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
