I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
