I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
