How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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