He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're like the curious george of whores
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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