hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize