Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
