wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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