I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
