You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we made out on top of his cat.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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