Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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