I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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