Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
