Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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