so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
