Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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