it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
