Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
