Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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