There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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