do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
