this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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