this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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