i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
