so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
