Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
