i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Did I show you my penis last night?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
