Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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