its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
