I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
