idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
