no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
