My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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