it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
