Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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