I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
