I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
