Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
