why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
