Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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