New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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