the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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