i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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