I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
