The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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