Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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