he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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