I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
