i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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