It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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