i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
thus making me awesome and them whores
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
