Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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