Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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