you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
