Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
