i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
