Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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