He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize