i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
