I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
