Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They took my balls.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
