i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
