Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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