conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
