Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
