Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
