im gay
i know
yea but for you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
