Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
