nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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