His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize