Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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