Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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