Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
