and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
