im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
