i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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