i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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