Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
