i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize