I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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