We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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