so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
