I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
