we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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