so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
