i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
