I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
